Tuesday, January 28, 2014

....And Her Theme Was Victory!

She had talked about it being the theme for her life this year. She has experienced small ones as well as big ones. Who knew that this year would be the year that she would experience the final victory... of running the race well... and making it to the finish line. She had been diagnosed a year ago with lung cancer. She had never smoked a day in her life but then again cancer is no respecter of person's nor  their lungs for that matter. She had a wonderful ministry. She humbly admitted when she had fallen short. It's what made her such a woman of the word. She knew from which her help came from. There would be no more high school graduations that she would attend. No more college graduations. No weddings. She would never get to feel the ache of wanting to hold that long awaited for Grandbaby. He would never sleep beside her again. He would never bring her that first cup of morning coffee. No good morning kiss. His devotional time would be spent with the Father by himself. They were the couple that you thought you would see at 90 years old still sitting next to one another holding each other's hands. I heard Him tell of so many times how He often would tell her how crazy He was about "His Bride".My heart wrenches for this Groom and for their children. Her last year was fought and fought well. She praised and she worshipped no matter what the circumstances. She celebrated each victory even the small and insignificant ones. She knew her great big God was very able and capable of healing her body with just a word. She knew deep down inside that cancer was not the real battle. No, the real battle for her would be fear. Fear for her children, fear for her husband, fear of not being able to be there in the future for her family. The fear that comes from the liar who would try and lie to her and have her to believe that God was not good and that she was not loved. But she fought against those lies, She chose to believe the truth. To live out the truth.That
God is good and we are always loved.

 God. is .good. and. I. am .always .loved!
She has already gone home and I'm sure that she has yet to make it up off her knees in front of the one who gave her the ultimate healing and met her at the finish line.

Daddy, our infinite minds have such a hard time wrapping around situations like these. Where a loved one returns to you when we are not ready for them to leave. I pray that you would give this groom the strength to put one heavy foot in front of the other. Give him extra measures of your grace in the nightly hours when he slips into bed and she is not there to kiss good night. I pray that you would comfort in the days to come, especially the birthday's, anniversaries, the upcoming wedding, the high school graduations, and college graduations. Comfort in the future when the grandbabies begin to arrive and there is no grandmother there welcome them here. Jesus I ask that your will would be done in this family as it is in heaven. In Jesus name I pray amen.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Who Knew Metamorphu Would Bring So Much Pain?

It came like a bomb exploding right into her face. Words that would set her reeling. A tone that she would imprint on her heart forever. All sorts of moments afterward questioning "What had she done so wrong?" "What had she said so wrong?" She had traveled to visit with him and all seemed the same. She had many chances to ask the questions that she was naturally curious about. Things like " How long have you been dating?", "What is she like?", "Where did you meet her?". Never knowing that all the while with each question her Father felt as if he was under some kind of federal investigation. Sunday had come and her family packed up all their belongings to travel the long road home. She would receive more news in the day ahead. They had set their wedding date. It was a more serious relationship than what she had been led to believe. There was so much secrecy surrounding this whole relationship. I guess her curiosity got the best of her. She had told him dinner was getting cold and it was. She had cried her way through each bite and every sip. Her heart feeling as if it might explode and all she wanted to do was implode. But her God met her there and gently spoke to her putting his firm but gentle hand on her mouth keeping her from lashing back with words that would only drive a wedge deep in heart flesh. A wedge that could last years. She did not want that conversation to end in that manner. She heaved and shoulders wracked hard through story time and she fell asleep worn out from the emotional wave that crashed hard on her already tired body.
      If butterflies could speak would they talk of pain in the metamorphu process?
Would they speak of how their bodies must go through a hard physical process to be made so beautiful?
If an infant could speak to us moments after they are born would they tell us of how their body has been wrapped up tight  and being birthed was far more than what they bargained for? Would they speak of how each push only caused more pain and how their head felt as if it would just squeeze right off their shoulders.
Each Mother's story is different but if you know anything about birthing you would know that pain comes before any beauty does. How can someone we love so much cause us such great pain?
She feels wrapped up tight swaddled if you will in her heavenly Father's arms. She is choosing joy and no fear. She does not even want the enemy to get a foothold on her or her relationship with her Dad. Even though she has not been invited she will choose joy , she will choose to live eucharisteo and breathe YAWEH. After the day is done and all is said, She knows because what a heart knows it knows by heart. Eucharisteo precedes the miracle.
Would love to hear from you today to if you are choosing eucharisteo, if you are choosing no fear. Would you pull up your big comfy chair and your coffee cup? Would you be willing to share your hard story today too? I am ready to listen!
Continuing  to count His  gifts during the process of Metamorphu
5,995. Safe travels
5,996. Being able to stay home during artic weather days
5,997. Being able to blog my stories while "joy girl" naps.
5,998. Letting the sun go down on my anger. * Hard Eucharisteo.
5,999. one who tries to sweep arguments under the rug. * Hard Eucharisteo.
*6,000. Looking to the only one who can rescue and redeem.
6,001. For giving a sister in Christ who battles with cancer the strength to walk from the bed to the bathroom.
6,002. Finding out your Dad is dating and getting married in one week and the crazy emotional head spin that comes with it.
6,002. Him wanting to keep the whole thing under wraps.
6,003. The terrible argument that ensued days later. Super hard Eucharisteo.
6,004. The Holy Spirit's hand on my mouth giving me the power not to lash back with hurtful words.
6,005. God there with me through every wave of yelling, Him holding me up on His wings.
6,006. Choosing to fly rather to be chained.
6,007. Not an orphan but a daughter of the KING!
6,008. Being lavishly loved by my Abba!
6,009.Him hearing me when I cry out to Him.
6,010. Not fearing the one who can cut me down emotionally.
6,011. Him seeing and hearing everything.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

When Your Dad Moves On And You're Not Ready

The call came on a Friday. I had to brace myself hard against it. It blew right through every joint in my body leaving me feeling stunned and knocked to me feet. He is lonely and feels like he needs the companionship of another lady. I had to find this news out from my sister. I thought He would eventually take this step maybe 4-5 years down the road. But not a year and 2 months after her passing. "I'm not ready for this I told her". It was my sister's birthday and it was not the kind of news you deliver to someone on their birthday. I began the waiting game. Waiting to see if he would call to tell me. The waiting brought nothing. Several days finally passed between this conversation and still time brought nothing. As if time were standing still on my end waiting to see if could gather up what he needed to let me in on his news. Finally, we had decided to go home and visit. We were able to catch a break in the 

weather and all was quiet in the next few days. I called him to let Him know that we would be arriving over the weekend. He was out I presumed , spending time with his new friend. 
As the evening hours crept by I kept noticing the time and felt as if he should have called by now. I felt like a parent waiting for their child to come rolling in the driveway. Around 9:00 p.m. he calls. He's all jolly and I'm a bit nervous to speak with him. He speaks of sorry's and I've been out's. I ask him if he's been visiting with his sister. He typically stays out late when he's there. They are close siblings and one's jokes are just as corny as the other's. Your sides would hurt for days after a visit with them. He's quiet now. I can tell he's fumbling for words, fumbling for courage to say them. He speaks it slow, unsure of how it would be received. I act all surprised not letting on that I have already been told. I ask how long he has been seeing her. What he laughingly says next brings my spirit down. Makes tears brim and flow. He says He has been seeing her since Oct. I don't understand why the secret. Why had he not told us. Why did he think he needed to wait. Mom had went home a year and two months ago. I can remember her saying that it would be good for him down the road to meet someone and not spend his remaining days here on this spinning globe by himself. Did he think we would be angry, hurt? I'm more hurt that he played it off as if it were no big thing, the waiting, the secret. My heart splits and it to mourns. Mourns for my Mamma. Mourns for life being so different now. Every holiday, birthday, Mother's Day ,just different. I'm sad I guess because I can't seem to just let go of my Mamma. Will I see her again ? Yes, She loved Jesus so very much! I feel he has let her go and is now ready to move forward. I knew God planted this one word in my life for this New Year. He is planning to metamorphu life beginning with my immediate family. I must say I did not see this one coming. 

Daddy, this one is hard to handle. I count it as a very hard Eucharisteo. Would you give me the courage to accept this new relationship in my life. Would you give me the courage to accept my Dad's decision to move forward in this New Year. Help me to have a welcoming heart. In Jesus sweet and holy name I pray Amen. 
Is. 43:19
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

My One Word For The New Year Lens " Metamorphu"

It might look like and even sound like the strangest word that you have heard. He had said it from the pulpit and it has stuck with me since then. I can feel it taking place deep within. Something new, something fresh, something that is holy and only explained through the power of His Spirit. I still myself and slow in Him in the quiet of the morning.
Reflecting back on Christmas and turning our Christmas upside down this year.  to go further into relationship with Him who saves completely. We traveled along with Mary to Bethlehem to see Him born. Looking in to a new year with Christ guiding the way. I want to draw myself tight folding into
Him so I can hear completely what He wants to do through me.
I lean into His beautiful grace and keep counting His gifts. Looking for each one daily in the messy, the mundane, the hard, the beautiful moments of life. I look forward to unfurling my wings into Him.
and catching my flight on the power of
His Spirit. There is so much of myself I want to leave behind, the sin of perfection, the lack of self control I have to want to be in control of everything and every moment. I want to put away self so that He can become greater in me and through me. I want to focus on others more and there needs. I want to submit more to my husband instead of wanting to control our family. I want Him to lead us all the way. Lord please help me to stay out of his way so he can lead his family like you want him to. These are not the mere resolutions one would make for new years. These are more desires that His heart wants for me and my growth in Him. I want to keep counting His gifts in this new year because it is the only way to lasting and true joy. I have seen what he has done in me since I started keeping this journal of gratitude and it is a most beautiful thing. How I praise His beautiful name for breaking me out of my pit.
 breaking me out of the chains that me bound for so long. Daddy, I look forward to this new thing that you have begun within my heart. I'm excited about 2014 and all that you will do  in me to  metamorphu me.
May you be the power in my wings who compels me to fly forward!

How are you wanting God to Metamorph you in this coming year?

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Psst! I'm having my first giveaway and your invited!

 Eucharisteo. I type it big and proclaim it everywhere. I proclaim it in the warmth of my home in many ways.



 It is a word I will never forget. It is the only way to Live and Breathe. This slowing to Give thanks to HIM who grows our faith in the GOOD, the BAD, the MESSY, and the right down gritty parts of daily life. 


  This slowing to Live thanks to Him who was and is and is to come. The one in whom we have our being. I keep it close by, my gratitude journal. Where I meet with Jesus to live out this Eucharistic life.

Me keeping track of all his grace gifts. The good ones, the hard ones, the make you uncomfortable in your own skin ones. The ones that fill you with pure joy, and the ones that make you bend low with your face to floor in utter helplessness. God used one joy sister to bring me out of the darkest place I had ever been.

To free me from the chains I had put on myself

It was through Him and his message of joy that opened that door.
 It was His message through her that I found joy in Him. True , pure, heaven heart splitting joy!

If you are new to this word it simply means, "Thanks". Jesus had a meal, with his disciples the night before he was crucified. He broke bread and told them he too would be broken just like the bread because he IS the bread. He lifted the bread just as he would to be lifted and he gave thanks  (Eucharisteo in the greek) for this bread. His life poured out for us. His life broken for us.

I too want to live as he lived while on this earth. Giving thanks for everything because it is how to live full of joy. 

As a celebration of this joy I am partnering with this sweet sister who made the beautiful blocks posted above for my first ever giveaway.
  This sweet sister is donating her beautiful nativity set to give away. Here is the link to view this beautiful piece.

I will be giving away a copy of Ann's book" One Thousand Gifts" because dear one I want you to find true heaven heart splitting joy too!

This is  our Christmas Gift to you!
 All you have to do is post your way of celebrating His coming into the world by clicking "links to this post " at the bottom of this post to leave your story. I will fill a hat with everyone's names and will have good and perfect gift draw that name out of the hat the week before Christmas so you to can be on your way to your own scavenger hunt of His grace gifts and finding joy!  Thank you for being a part of the beautiful  way to find His joy!

~ All glory for  and to Him

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

A Letter To The Single Mom Today

The week is drawing to a close. I'm worn out. I have with His strength been able to carry on. He has given me an extra measure of strength that I can really supernaturally feel. My thoughts had been reeling deep within of all of you who do this longer than I have had to. You walk this journey 24/7 and the only way to get through it really is on your knees. My heart swelled with pain as I thought of you and compassion for you has overtaken me. Please forgive me for all the times that I have taken for granted my husband.

I want to apologize to you today single Mom. I'm sorry for all the times you have gone to the grocery store and had to carry your groceries into the house by yourself with your infant on your hip.


  I'm sorry for all the times you have to get your children up by yourself and get them ready for school with no one to help you stay calm while they rant and rave of not wanting to get up and go.

I'm sorry for all the people that walk right by you and don't even offer a hand to help you pick up the things you have dropped because you busy keeping the children safe.

I'm sorry you have to work long hours with very little pay to make ends meet. That you don't get to pick your children up from after school care until late in the evening.

I'm sorry that you have to come home and bathe all of them by yourself and make sure everyone has brushed their teeth.

I'm sorry that their is very little time for stories before bed because you.just.can'.t go. on. and all you want to do is fall into your own bed and sleep!

I'm sorry that your family does not understand your situation and you feel alienated by the world because all they can do is ridicule your every move.

Please forgive me for every time I have walked passed you and have not offered you a smile or a hand to help lighten the emotional strain.

I want you to know He has not forgotten you. He has engraved you on the palms of his hands many years ago when he stretched them out wide for you on the cross. He sees you and sees your singleness and has sent us to minister to you but we have failed you and not been obedient to him who sent us.
       Please forgive him and please forgive us for not being obedient when he asked us to pay for your groceries.  Please forgive us for all the times we did not call you or knock on your door with a meal to help lighten your load.
Please forgive us for all the times we did not offer to watch your children to give you a much needed break so you could get things done or take a long nap. Please forgive us for not inviting you to church with us so you could meet the one who sees your singleness and says" I know".

I have began praying for you single Mom, I have only experienced a few days of what you walk through daily but I'm asking for Him to send you not only help but obedient hearts that won't fail you. Hearts that would love to open their arms to you and I have started first with myself. I love you sinlge Mom and please know Christ does to and he sees and he knows.

With a heavy broken heart for you
~ Lori


Wednesday, September 4, 2013

When you have to stand strong for your spouse

The storm looms big. Waiting to take him over. His mother has passed away. With her death comes an unexpected cost that overwhelms the soul and threatens to break him into. He's worried and full of anxiety. He's wondering how this bill will be paid. I Talk on the phone with our benevolence  ministry at church. They have said they will pay $500.oo towards the bill. They took up a collection at his job while he was away for the funeral. They wanted to help pay towards the funeral. They collected $140.00. God is faithful I tell him. He's walking towards a pit and has climbed down in. He's hanging on the side with white knuckled hands grasping to loosened dirt. I tell him he has to fight for joy. One can only win this type of battle when you fight for joy. He says he's too tired to fight. I tell him to fight on his knees. Keep his own gratitude journal. It's the only way to stay out of the pit really. By learning to give thanks in all circumstances and to live the Eucharistic life is to gain pure God filling joy. I find him a notebook for him to begin scrawling out his own messy list of crazy joy as Ann puts it. I tell him as she says "You must use a pen an wield it as a sword." I tell him the enemy is winning. He says nothing. In the morning he gets ready for work. I lay notebook in the dim lit kitchen. He asks when he is supposed to write in this. I tell him when he begins to worry, when he is fearful and afraid. When he is tempted to think that $8,ooo dollars is bigger than his Heavenly Father. When he thinks he is going to crack big and long and fall hard. He takes the notebook to work with him. He leans down to give good- bye kisses soft on my lips. I walk him to the door and see him out.
I to must continue to give thanks for the hard Eucharisteo's . I can't and won't give up fighting for joy.

Oh Father, I know he is so worried to death about how this bill will get paid. I don't know why things have unfolded as they have. If she had only hung on 6 more weeks. Her life insurance would be paying this bill instead of us. 6 weeks! Would you help us in our unbelief? Would you teach us in this time? Would you help us to seek you with our whole hearts, down on our faces? Give my husband the power, Holy Spirit to fight or joy in the hard Eucharisteo. don't let him give up. Continue to grow his faith by leaps and bounds. I love him so much and don't want to see him become a pit dweller. Daddy, please raise him up on eagles wings so that he will soar, so that he will walk and not grow faint. In the mighty most Holy name of Jesus I pray, amen.

If you feel led by God to give please be obedient to his calling . We ask for your help. You can send a donation to

                         Malone Funeral Home
                           325 Malone Lane
                          Grayson, Ky 41143

Tell them you would like to make a donation towards Youvannah Blevins funeral expenses.
Thank you kind friend for your love gift. My humblest thanks to you.
~ Lori

Giving thanks for the hard and in the hard eucharisteo.

5,005. His Mom's passing.
5,006. us finding out she was receiving only palliative care.
5,007. Her keeping us in the dark.
5,008. Us having been made responsible for her funeral expenses.
5,009. The Father putting us in the fire to give us a glimpse of just how BIG he is.
5,010. The ugly fallout.
5,011. The humbling of asking for help.


Wednesday, August 7, 2013

The First Anniversary

It has been a year since we said " We would see you later"  So much has happened since you left this place and took your flight home.

 Good and perfect gift has grown so much and has often mentioned how he misses you. Our joy girl has grown to and is doing so many new things daily. You will just love her Mom! Her sweet baby smiles and sounds bring an added measure of  happiness to our days. We had her dedicated at church back in June. Dad is doing well. He actually flew for the first time! Do you believe that Mom! He said he would never fly. He talks often of you and has said along with me how much he would have loved if you would have been here to see our little joy girl.
Your granddaughter got her license! She had to take the driver's test twice and was so disappointed. The following week she took it again and passed. She is becoming a most beautiful young lady.
Your daughter is doing great since her

heart attack.  You would be so proud of her mom. She is watching what she is eating. She has never touched another cigarette. She is going to the gym and working out!
Your son-in-law's mother has lung cancer and which has spread to her brain and is now stage 4. It is such a tough thing to walk through. We are just unsure of her salvation Mom. We knew where you were going and that we would see you again. We just don't have that same assurance with her. I know he is so sad about loosing her this way. He doesn't say a lot. He never has been one to share what is on his mind and in his heart that often.


We are in the process of building a new home! Can you believe it? There are so many mixed feelings with good and perfect gift and myself. We have lived here so long and it is going to be hard to uproot our family and move. But there is also excitement to! It is a new chapter in our family book. Our builder is doing a great job of keeping us on our budget.

Your son is finally getting married! I know he had asked Dad to pick out a picture of you for their wedding. I'm not sure what they plan on doing with it. He doesn't converse with me as you remember.  He has really struggled with you being gone. You remember why though. 

We all really miss you Mom, I'm planning on going to visit Dad on your anniversary so Dad won't be alone that day. He has done a great job of picking out the flowers for your grave. Your daughter has made some  pretty bunches too! I get teary eyed often as I miss you. My heart breaks wide open as I often entertain the thought of what you are doing in Heaven. Who you are talking to or visiting with. How awesome it must be to Worship our great God in person.

I love you Mom and miss you more than you could know.
    Your loving Daughter,

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

For the New Mother Today

You have labored and God has brought forth. You have counted and recounted those fingers and toes just to make sure.

 You have watched him hold the precious gift that was placed in your womb 9 months ago. He holds the babe tenderly and yet awkwardly at the same time, almost as if he is so afraid of breaking this tiny one. He watches his bride emerge into a mother right before his very eyes and he is astonished at the miracle of how everything seems to come alive in her as she holds close her own flesh that was made along with his.

You have pressed your lips against that fuzzy little head hundreds of times within the 2-3 days that you have had to hold it close. You have watched this child sleep in your arms and the feelings you have inside are sheer joy!
The sweet baby noises have all but melted the interior of your heart.
They have come to wheel you downstairs to the lobby where your ride awaits to take you and this precious babe home where you will begin the journey of motherhood and parenting.
You ease slowly into the back seat of the car. Your groom places the car seat into the base and you pull away to drive home. You pull into the familiar driveway and ease your still swollen body into the house. You gently lift this new life out of the car seat and place your hands under tiny arms to carry back  to the nursery as if to let those tiny eyes see the room that you have prepared.
You walk into your bedroom where the bassinet has been placed on your side of the bed because all the mother's that have gone before you have told you about all the sleepless nights you are about to experience. No woman is really ever prepared for these.
You lay your little one down into the bassinet and to look at this little life and realize how much he/ she will depend on you for everything is overwhelming. You ease into your side of the bed maybe even pull the covers close and you watch in awe of the life that lays beside you. You can't take your eyes off of this tiny babe.
Your thoughts begin to run wild! How on this spinning globe am I ever going to get this right? What kind of a mother am I going to be? What kind of a Father will he be? What about S.I.D.S ? Did I really sign up for nursing my little one and the pain of it all? Do you really have to go back to work? Can't you stay here and help me? Who will help me when I need it? When will the housework get done? When will I get my shower in? Am I going to get to take a nap to help with the sleep depravation? What if I raise my voice? What form of
discipline will I use? All the pressures and fears  that a new Mom has, can just right bowl you over and make you not want to get back out of those warm covers. The world has it own pressures to throw at you too? Will I ever fit back into my clothes? Will there be time for me to exercise so I can fit back into my clothes?
He will come new Mom. Yes, he will come if you ask him to Jesus will come and guide you in your Mothering. He will quiet you with His love. He will gently lead you as he promises in the bible.
Isaiah 40:11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
    He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
    he gently leads those that have young.
You can hear Him now speaking tenderly to your heart. "Peace." He says. "Do not fear" He whispers. "For I am with you!" He encourages.
Lean in, Lean in hard to him new Mother. Allow him to gently lead you with a strong and mighty arm. Ask Him quietly into your heart to take hold of your heart. To capture it , to capture your husband's heart and lead him! Allow him to capture your new family and bring this family into union with him. Oh How he Loves you new Mother. Your journey is the picture of how he loves us!
I pray for you new Mother, that the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob would fill you with extra measures of grace, as you begin your new calling, as your husband begins his new calling. I pray that you would allow yourself to be rooted and grounded in his love. When you seem to can't go any further and you are tired and worn out. I pray that he would give you an extra measure of strength to keep on keeping on. In The mighty name of Jesus I lift you today.

Friday, July 12, 2013

When the "Happy" is coupled with the "Hard" { along with a free printable!}

It has been this way from the beginning. I can remember each instance. My husband coming to Christ and the terrible news that he had to tell me that came along with his decision to follow Christ whole heartedly in order for him to feel completely free.  My good and perfect gift being born and in the N.I.C.U for 9 days with a lung infection. Finding out I was pregnant with good and perfect gift and my husband becoming jobless. Joy girl being born, my Mamma not being able to live to see her born. Being a Mamma trying to parent against AD/HD, Sensory Integration Disorder, O.C.D. Now building a home and my Mother-in-Law being diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer. Why does the happy have to be coupled with the hard? God really wants and longs to do the
Holy inside each one, inside me! It pulls and stretches and sometimes I feel as if I'm going to be pulled straight through! Humbly, I seek him, trying not to throw the "Why" at Him. Wanting to ask Can't there be "Happy" without the "Hard"? Would he love us truly if all there was, was  Happy and no Hard? Would we learn to lean in hard if Happy was all there was? Would we have an understanding of his unending, amazing, Grace? Would there have ever been salvation if all he ever experienced was "Happy"? There has to be the "Hard". He picks us up in the hard and carries us. He pulls us close in the hard and whispers Trust me. Yes, he will stretch you, yes, he will pull you. Yes, there will sometimes be the "Hard"
 and Happy coupled together. Yes, HE. WILL. DO. THE. HOLY. inside you, through each and every instance. He is interested in the Holy more than the "Happy". He longs for you to look more and more like His Holy Son. When he looks at me, at you, he wants to see His reflection in you sweet one! You. Will. Make. It. Through. The. Hard. You will come through the Hard and holiness will be imputed to you. Give up fighting in the "Hard" I tell myself and let Him do the Holy. Stop wrestling as Jacob wrestled . He will not withhold the holiness from you as you let go and allow the "Hard" to happen. Let him peel back each layer and allow the healing to happen. It will only happen in the "Hard". Healing does not come in the "Happy" only in the "Hard"

Here is one for your mantle today friend. Print it off and remind yourself as often as I do. My you find grace in the "Hard"



Living with the hard Eucharasteo daily, when God answers with a no, what do you do? {Another repost for those in need}

I can remember praying while my son was in the darkest depths of my womb, being knitted together perfectly by the Creators beautiful hands. I had prayed so hard that to my Heavenly Father it must have sounded more like begging. I had asked of him and this was word for word in my prayer journal" Lord ,please I ask of you don't give me a child who has AD/HD. Don't give me a child who has a strong will. Just let Him or her be perfectly healthy. Let this little one have all of the systems working perfectly. Let this little one love you more than anything in his or her life. In the mighty name of Jesus I pray Amen.
     God loves to hear from His children. He loves to answer prayers right. He says in His inspired word" Ask and you shall receive, right? Well , unbeknown to me, God was doing a holy work in me long before I knew what I was going to be facing when my son was born to us. Not only was God going to grow me, but he was going to stretch me more than I thought a person could be stretched!
     I must be honest that when I found out my son had AD/HD, and Sensory Integration disorder, plus lets add in the tendencies toward O.C.D . I was crushed and I grieved. I was grieving because I had a perfect plan in mind. My plan, in case you missed it. This was not God's plan. I had already began in my mind thinking of what Motherhood was to look like and feel like. I guess I should have went back in time and talked with Jesus' Mother. I guess she would have had great wisdom for me as a new Mom.
     I allowed my self to sink deeply into a pit of darkness as I realized God's plan for Motherhood for me was to be much different. I became angry with God. I was dealing with a multitude of meltdowns daily. I felt trapped because  everytime I went somewhere with my Son, we always left kicking and screaming. He did not transition well. He is very hyper. He cannot sit without moving around all over the place. We would go to the library for story time and he would be the only one running around the story room. Talk about frustrating!! I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have cried my way home in the car because life was just to hard and I did not know how to raise a child with these types of behaviors. I have traveled home with my stereo turned up very loud to cover up the screaming child that was in the back seat.

        All of this story of beginning's is to tell you my dear friends there is hope! Where did I find this hope? In the one I was angry with. Yep, you guessed it! I had sank so deep in my pit that I could not look up! I was a believer not trusting in the one that created my Son!  I began to go to counseling, crying out to God for help because I had become in my own eyes a big mess of sorts. Trust me you would not have wanted to come to my house for dinner!  God sent me a wonderful friend into my life to tell me about Ann Voskamp and her wonderful book One thousand gifts. you can find her here http://www.aholyexperience.com/. This is the most amazing way that God showed me how to live with a thankful heart for the good and perfect gift that he gave me in my Son. He is the one who is teaching me how to raise my Son, who has all of the above mentioned behaviors. I'm learning to thank him for Meltdowns, for food aversions, for Occupational Therapy visits, For having to hold him back in school, for medications that I don't really want to administer but know how helpful it is for him.  Having to make picture schedules to help with transitions. As Ann Voskamp says" All Is Grace". I'm counting my gifts that He gives my daily and seeing my life through his lens and not my own. I'm not a poetic writer, but I have a longing to share my story with you. I hope you too will begin your own list today and allow God to mess with your head in a good way. In the Grip of His grace. Lori

Gift list entries:

434.Learning about the upside down way of Jesus.
435.Having money left in our bank account at the end of the month and not overdrafting like last month.
436. My Mother-in- law listening to her Son and making an appt. with her Cardiologist.
437. Getting my Son's new picture schedule completed. He had such a wonderful time at church this morning.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

The Grace Filled Waiting Room{ A repost from the archives}

I really needed to read these words for my own self today. I hope they are good parenting words for you too friend!

It is the same schedule for us every Tuesday at the same time. We head out into the city for good and perfect gift's O.T. appointment. He really enjoys going there. His O.T. is just a wonderful young Lady who has a passion to helping these Gifts Of Grace. Good and perfect gift has made friends with a little boy there. We live to far apart for them to schedule playdates together. Good and perfect gift always looks in the parking lot to see if the Grandfather's truck is there. When He sees it He smiles with delight, He knows He will get to have some play time with new friend! We go upto the glass door and good and perfect gift pulls with all His might to open this heavy door. "Wonderful Job"!, I tell Him as He pulls it all the way open. I tell Him too of how His muscles are looking just like His Daddy's and if He keeps this up His muscles will be bigger than His Daddy's someday. He smiles a young giddy smile.

  As we enter we see the Grandfather of new friend. We greet Him as we do every week. We have been enjoying a little conversation with Him as we have close to the same appointment. Grandson sees the same O.T. as Good and Perfect Gift does. We exchange smiles,

talk about the weather changing, Ask if new friend has had a good week. Talk about parenting the good and the bads. He tells me of how He and His Wife also made the decision to hold their now Grown Son back and how it was the best thing they had  ever done for Him. This too is confirmation for me. We made that same choice for Good and Perfect Gift. New friend comes out of Therapy play room and joins Good and Perfect Gift. They too exchange greetings and begin to do what they do every week they begin to build a long Lemo type car with the bench seat in the back and with all the little blue chairs in a single line. They hop in and begin telling each other about going to the jungle and what kind of animals they will be looking for.
As Good and Perfect gift's O.T. comes out and greets Him, it is time for new friend and Grandfather to leave and carry on through their day. We say our good-byes and they leave.
  As I sit in the waiting room more parents and children come. Some parents stay and some drop off and leave once their child is called to begin their session of therapy. The parents that decide to stay take their seats and begin texting or talking on their phones. Some read magazines, others may strike up a conversation with another. Still others just sit and look at the floor, hoping not to make eye contact with anyone else, checking their watch from time to time.
As I look at this waiting room and the children that have passed through, It comes to mind just how much Grace, has just passed in front of my eyes. There is the tall one who loves to shut doors that someone who has
walked through has Forgotten He is somewhat aggressive and has a very hard time complying with His O.T.. There is little guy, who has an artificial leg. There is the hyper ones, These I know all to well because they remind me so much of good and perfect gift. I can usually tell which children have AD/HD because of my own experience. I can't believe how God has just revealed to me this picture of now. This picture of his Grace that has filled this waiting room. Do these parents know this Grace? Do they know how much of a gift they have been given in their child? Do they see these gifts as curses instead? I want to scream this out This is a wonderful picture of Grace !
I would not change my good and Perfect Gift for anything in the world. What if I could? Would I end up taking away the very thing that would identify him as a follower of Christ? Would I take away the very thing God would use in His life to lead someone else to himself? What if all this Grace was the thing God would use in Him to lead His Family, His future may depend on these very gifts.
Parents, I implore you today,if you have children who have special needs, Please see them as The Good and Perfect Gift from above that they are  and not

a curse. God meant to knit them together in your womb as perfectly as he did, giving them all the little quircks that they have to be the people he intends them to be. Don't wish to change them. Ask for His wisdom in leading them and guiding them in His way. He is the best parent of all. He knows what it is like to have children with disabilities, strong wills ( The Children of Israel). He has dealt with every type of child and can be ever so faithful in showing you the best way to parent your own child.

Father, Mighty One Of Israel, thank you for every thing you have knitted my Good and Perfect Gift with. bless me with the wisdom that I need to parent him in Your way and not my messy own way. Help me to gently lead and guide him as you do with me. Help me not to force him to do anything but help me to lead 

 and guide him into obedience. I love you Father! Thank you for being my wonderful Daddy! In The mighty name of Jesus I pray Amen.

 This is a repost that I needed to hear once more. I hope you enjoy it as well.
Thank you for grace!
~ Lori

Thursday, May 30, 2013

My First Mother's Day Without My Mamma

She had said it right when she typed those words to me. I read them on the screen. "You will take many steps now without your Mom here but He will walk you through each one.
 I had dreaded it all week sort of just put it off because I knew I wouldn't be picking out a card for her this year.
I had needed to go to the store and simply walked right past the card isle.
 I did not want to face it that I would be spending my first Mother's Day without my Mamma this year. She loved Mother's Day Getting flowers and cards from her children. She loved it for more than that. She loves being a Mamma. She enjoyed being home with us even when the days did not go well and we all gave her a hard time. She enjoyed watching us grow into ourselves and stumbling along the way. She encouraged, nurtured, believed, and the one thing she did most of was prayed. Prayed for our well-being. Prayed we would make wise choices in life. Prayed mostly that we would love Christ and much as she did. Prayed she would get to see each one of her children come to know Him. I finally had to make myself just stop and go pick out my cards for my Grandmother and Sister. Eyes scanned a multitude of words talking about "How great you are Mom" and "thank you for all the ways you showed your love for me". With each card my eyes scanned I could feel the knot in my throat rising. Eyes beginning to brim and flow. With each stinging tear I wiped, I had finally managed to pick out the two cards I needed. I quickly rose to my feet hoping no one had seen the multitude of tears that flowed down. Who knew that this first Mother's Day was going to be so hard without her. There will be no phone call this year. I will not get to here her tell me how much she just loved her card. Instead these will be the type of flowers she will receive this year.
I visited her grave. The son was warm on my face. The wind was blowing my hair into my face as if my Daddy was using it to help wipe away every sad tear that found its way down my face. I placed her flowers there, talked of how I miss her and would give anything to see her, to hear her voice. good and perfect gift sits beside me puts his hand around my neck and tells me how he feels like me and misses her. I tell him how proud she was of him and how she would have been so proud of joy girl. We all were just so saddened that joy girl never got to see her grandmother. I know someday she will. I know you will like your flowers Mamma. They were your favorite color. We love you so much Mamma and look so forward to such a great reunion! Happy Mother's Day
It took me a while to post this. Was very hard for me to write. Thank you for grace
~ Lori


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