The Front Porch Swing

The Front Porch Swing
Would love to have you sit and chat with me here today!

A Few Of My Favorite Things! I Hope You To Enjoy a Few!

Friday, August 19, 2016

When you have to wait on God

So yeah, here we are again. We are waiting. Just like we waited 10 years ago. We are jobless and we are waiting. It can seem that waiting on God can be like waiting for eternity to come and split every thing wide open and explode God glory everywhere. Our fleshly patience doesn't like to wait for the holy to happen when we live in a "I want it now" society but if there's one thing He keeps telling me in this waiting is to Be Still and Know. Be. Still. And. Know. Be. Still. Every fiber that He knit me with wants to be doing. But in doing there is worry and fretting. Doubt tries to creep in too close. Being still shifts my focus and keeps my eyes on the one who KNOWS. On the one who SEES. On the one who HEARS and on the one who REMEMBERS. It takes a deep discipline to keep that focus and allow the joy of the LORD to be my strength. It takes a trusting and believing that HE WILL MAKE A WAY when there seems to be no way. So while we wait,we make our own Jericho and we march around it .Our joygirl enjoys blowing that trumpet every night. Good and perfect gift marches and with each step there's a confidence and a courage in the struggle. While we wait, we are stretched, and we are reminded that our security is in the One that secured us first! Our trust is in the One who can be trusted! We take refuge in the One who bids us to come and find rest in Him!
Thank you in advance Daddy for how you will be our way maker. We wait patiently for you to explode your God glory in our lives!

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

How Busyness Can Blind You To Others

      It seemed to her that this word had defined everyone's summer this year. She had often wondered besides vacations, what was everyone so busy doing? Wasn't summer the time when you kicked off your shoes and made time to relax? Isn't this the time of year that people get together with their children and neighbors they know well to plan picnic's in the back yard?

When she talked with people she had remembered they said "BUSY". Always busy doing this doing that. Running here running there. Never time to relax because I'm sooo busy!! She had heard alot of apologies saying  maybe some other time. She wanted more than anything to make time with people. The ones she thought so much of. She enjoyed people. she enjoyed their stories, their encouragement, their failures and their victories and she longed to be with them. Her summer was slow and without alot of commitments. So much so that at times she just felt stuck. She wondered if all the busy people were aware of the other's in their lives and their hurts and disappointments and their need to just have one person listen to their story, or did their busyness blind them to them. She had remembered how a few years back her busyness had blinded her and how God opened her eyes to those around her who needed her just to listen and offer a prayer, a hug. She didn't realize how blury her vision had become. She had no idea that there were so many around her hurting so bad. Some even in her own family. Her busyness had became her driving force. She needed to be slowed. She had needed to really "SEE" with her own eyes the others around her. 

God had showed her how to slow a few years back and she remembered how that slowing had opened her eyes to Him and then to the others around her. She didn't want to miss a thing anymore! She didn't want to miss anyone anymore. She wanted and desired to experience life in the fullest way God had for her. People and the moments that you make with people are so precious. Moments that shouldn't be blurred by busyness. Moments that should be experienced with your eyes fully wide open! Friend where are you today? How are others doing around you today? Don't miss people and don't miss the moments you make with the people. God can slow you and help you to live fully awake! 

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

How God uses our hard for His holy!

       He had gone and gotten himself into some really big trouble. The kind of trouble you have to put a dead stop to.


 His Daddy and I sought out godly counsel to aid us in our boundary setting and consequence applying. Parenthood is no easy task! All of this led a  boy  down a road of scripture that he had never traveled.

 We have prayed scripture over him while he was being knitted perfectly in my womb. He's been in church since he was born, practically. We began reading bible stories to him when he was 6 months old. He has memorized scripture for the past 4 years, but looking up  scriptures that apply to your sin directly has an amazing effect on your heart. You see through the reading and writing of these scriptures, God begins talking gently to your heart telling you the way he wants you to go. His perfect way! When you initiate a quiet time for your child to reflect on these verses and write their thoughts down, it gives the heart the opportunity to respond back to God in a positive holy way!


 Be ready though, because the questions will ensue! Questions you must have honest answers for ! Could be questions about things you yourself have done. Sins you had committed in the past and what ultimately led  you to your relationship with Jesus! As the questions rolled I had to humble myself and admit things I would have rather forgotten. Then the question came; "How do you know you are saved?" We again turned back to scripture to find God's answer. He says it very simple," I want to be saved like you Mommy". My heart now beating fast. The lump forming large in my throat. Tears welling and ready to flow fast! Oh!,and don't forget to breathe!


 I began my own series of questions which then led us down the road of praying to God. Him telling God how sorry he was for his sins and asking for God to forgive him. Telling Jesus he wanted Him to come and live in his heart so he could follow him and go to be with him in heaven someday! Breathe again!, and hug him with all that I am! I tell him how very proud of him I am and about the party that is going on, on his behalf in heaven at that moment!

 He was then baptized a few weeks later by his Daddy. Going down into a watery grave, and signifying to his new family that his sins were washed away and he was being raised into new life with Christ Jesus! What an amazing journey to be on! 

     Never underestimate the power of God's word in the life of your child. Read it to them. Have them read it. Memorize it together. Make God's word fun for them. He will woo their tiny hearts to himself and when the hard comes for you as a parent? Lean heavy into it because God intends on using it for His holy!

Jesus, The hard has been so hard. There are days I feel like throwing in the towel. But it is the Holy that keeps me clinging to you. May your Holy work be done in me and my family as it is done in heaven. In Jesus name. Amen!

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Because Mamma Never Told Me There'd Be Days Like This...

          Growing up with him was hard, real hard! He was hyper and mean, terribly mean. Constantly doing things he shouldn't. Saying things he ought not to. Little was known about meds. at that time. Although they tried. He ended up overmedicated and zombielike. It all to quickly ended and they never tried them again.


        I remember Mom crying a lot. She just didn't know how to handle him, discipline him. Dad's yelling became a constant noise and with it came many threats but no follow through. What a hard thing AD/HD is to parent through.

I remember all the fears I had finding out I was pregnant with good and perfect gift. I begged God constantly to give him a normal brain. One that had plenty of the chemicals it needed to work well. A brain that would not be hyper. I prayed hard, so hard. My Daddy said, "No". simply put. I guess my journey to going lower for me means learning how to parent a child who's brain needs extra chemicals. A child who is impulsive and does things he's not supposed to. A child whose brain thinks hoarding trash is a good thing. Most days I don't know what I'm doing. Most often I find myself in tears a lot like my Mamma because I just can't seem to get him to listen and obey.

          The good news for him is that when this Mamma and his Daddy make a disciplinary threat we mean it and follow through on it. Letting him know we mean business. We parent him with much love and much grace. I can't pray for him enough to be a child who will run hard and fast after his heavenly Father. I want to see him grow up and love Jesus with all that he is. God made him perfectly as he is. It is a daily journey for me to accept his good and perfect brain the way it is and be his cheerleading Mom on the sidelines for him as he journeys through this unkind world. It's so hard when the world goes so far at letting you know in profound ways that your child doesn't measure up to the rest of the "normal" children.


        It hurts the heart of a Mamma so much and I have spent many moments biting my tongue so that my mouth wouldn't get me into trouble. People just aren't kind enough to keep their thoughts about your child to themselves. Like I said before raising a child with AD/HD is hard, real hard.

Daddy, I pray for the strength to carry on when I feel empty, alone, and abandoned by others. Parenting your good and perfect gift is the toughest thing you have called me to. But if it means me going lower to become like your Son Jesus, then I pray that you would give me an extra measure of your grace to keep on keepin' on. I want to not only win the race, but I want to run  and run well all the way to the finish line. In Jesus name I pray Amen.

Monday, March 23, 2015

A Letter To Jason Tippets

Dear Jason,

                  I came to absolutely adore your precious Kara the day Ann Voskamp posted Kara's letter to Brittany on her blog. She took my heart by storm. She showed me what it was like to live in brokenness. She really taught me that I to needed to just be broken and that is a beautiful thing to be broken, to live a life large in the brokenness. Whatever messy, hard, and ugly place I find myself in, that it is a beautiful and holy place to live. I began reading Kara's blog daily for nourishment to my spiritual life. I found so much strength and encouragement to carry on, in her "Mundane Journey". She's such a woman of beauty because of our Great Big God!! God has used her to open up some really closed off places. Places where I have needed to be broken and free. Ugly places that God needs to redeem. I have prayed countless times for God to heal her but He said no. I just have tears  upon tears now for you and for your children and your friends and family. I know what it's like to live life without a mamma. I lost my mamma two years ago.  It hurts my heart so much to know that your littles won't have their mamma with them to live life with. I want to thank you and Kara for continuing to blog her cancer story and for you sharing with all of us how you and your family have loved well, and for Kara showing us how to die well. I will never forget how your story has been used by God's mighty hand to weave the beautiful and holy into my story. It has been no accident, luck, or just coincidence. It has been God's hand working to break me in a beautiful way. I have saved her books to read until now because I wanted to somehow keep her with me a little while longer. I look forward to more of her beautiful wisdom as a mom , wife , and daughter of God. Thank you for all the ways you have been faithful to her. You have loved her at every corner and every turn of your journey . You have been such a beautiful example of how to love BIG in the storm. I know there are no words that I can say. Please know I am praying for you all daily. I can't wait to meet Kara on the other side of heaven.

With all my love,

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

When Your Heart Has Forgotten How To Love

         A post for those who are weary of the struggle and the fight to keep their marriage together. Keep on keepin' on hang on tight!!

She knew the hard blow of infidelity. How it can grab the heart and cause it to shatter into a million tiny pieces.


She knew how it could wrap itself around the lungs, causing you to gasp for every breath you take. As if each one is right out of your very grasp.

Her heart had grown so bitter and hard that anger had become her favorite company. It's almost as if she stood outside of herself looking in. All around her wake she could see herself crumbling under the weight of it all.

She felt powerless, hopeless, weary from the battle that went on daily within. She would make  brave attempts to share her story hoping someone would just HEAR HER!
No one listened, no one really wanted to hear What she had to say fell on very deaf ears. No one was really willing to enter her one messy life.

Deep within her there was this part of her that wanted everything to go back to the way it was. To Love as she once had Loved. Giving all of herself to him, as if there really was no tomorrow.
She held all of herself at a great distance

Not giving herself fully to him. She wanted to try and hold all those tiny pieces together but had not the strength to do it.

She hung on for her life and the life of others. She wondered how many more scars she would end up deep within her heart, how many times she would  end up in a puddle of tears trying to hold herself up

Taking her life would never be an option. She has a Heavenly Father who has created her for greatness!!
Divorce is the cowards way out! Their are no testimonies that end with Divorce. Ware fare is an ugly, horrid thing. We trudge through on our knees,on our faces at times and we come through it bruised, b r o k e n , and dis   jointed.
But HE is the GOD of the b r o k e n!
HE is the GOD of the bruised!
HE is the God of the dis   jointed!

She silently prayed and asked God to break her where she needed to be b r o k e n.

 She knew what needed to take place the wall needed to come down. He's willing to stay and he's willing to fight on his knees if he
must. Is she willing? Is she willing to take a step and trust fall into her Father's arms? Is she willing to open herself up once again? Is she willing to risk so much again? Is she willing to put her heart out there and possibly allow it to be shattered again?
She decided to walk obediently to the Father's will and entrust her heart to Him. He will Redeem what had been shattered. He will be the one to complete the two of them. To restore all the b r o k e n n e s s and help them to be broken together.

She took the Father's hand and walked quietly but confidently.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

A few of my favorite things.

A few of my favorite things.

I found this wonderful slideshow maker!! Hope you will enjoy it and use it on your own blog!! Blessings friends!! Would love to know what you think of it!

Sunday, July 20, 2014

For The New Mother Today

You have been wheeled down the hallway, down to the lobby of the hospital, where the car awaits you to put the new gift that God has given to you in the car seat. You were kind and gracious to the nurses who came in at all hours to check your vitals and made sure that you seemed to be healing up just fine. The new babe in the car seat, with you seated by it now yawns and closes the tiny little eyes to dream more dreams and the car drives away to carry you home to start this new journey of Motherhood.


 You arrive home and ease your still swollen body out of the car. The new member has been brought into the house. You bend over the car seat with that glowing smile that you think will never leave your face and unstrap the over sized belts and latches. You slowly slide your hands underneath and lift up on frail arms. The little legs still together and held. You quietly walk down the hall to the room that you took so much time creating just perfectly for this little one as if to show him/ her their room for the first time.  You walk across the hallway to your room and gently place this tiny little body into the bassinet  that you have placed on your side of the bed for the first time. You hear those new baby gurgles and it melts every part of your heart. You have laid yourself down in hopes of getting some rest yourself, so weary from the last 2-3 days events and the toll it has taken on your body.

  It finally hits you hard as you look on into the bassinet . There are so many things you have never given thought to. How on this spinning earth can I ensure that I don't fail at the task that is now before me? How do I get this right on the days that will seem to go so wrong? What about S.i.d.s and all the other illnesses that can happen? Who will help me when I need help? When will the house work get done? When will I get my shower? Do you really have to go back to work?  This thing called nursing hurts way to much, What was I thinking when I committed to this in the hospital?


Your mother instinct has come alive in you and now you are washing your hands so much more often than you once did. You are making sure that the flood of visitors that will stream into your home the next few days have all washed their hands and that they are not sick and do I really want anyone else to hold this baby that has moved and kicked and breathed in my womb for the last 9 months?  The hospital told me not to allow people to come over for the next two months. So unsure, so much pressure to getting it all right!  The covers begin to wiggle and you see little pink arms lifting high and the legs extend upward. The next thing that comes is that un mistakeable new baby cry. The mouth wide open and all this little skin turns completely red from head to toe. Already hungry?  You think and say in your mind. I just fed you how can this be? So overwhelmed already with everything.


 You must slow down new mamma and breathe. This new baby stage does not last long at all. You think this will never end but it does all to soon . The sleepless nights will turn into sleeping full nights. The nursing really does get easier after baby has become a seasoned nurser. The pain really does go away and your swollen abdomen will go down. When someone asks to help you , let them! You need rest new mamma. This little one is depending on you to be at your best! Let someone else cook for you, clean for you, watch the baby while you sleep. Sleep when the baby sleeps.

God trusts you to take car of this precious little life. What a privilege you have been given to partner with God and pour yourself into someone else's life as He was poured out for your life! When in doubt of your own self, pray and ask for wisdom concerning this new life and how you must parent.  The scriptures say in Isaiah 40: 11 He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.
He will guide you into all the wisdom you need as you allow Him to parent you through parenting your young babe. Motherhood is a journey of sacrifice, most often times you will put this little one ahead of you and pluck out pieces of yourself to see to it that this little one has everything He / She needs. Remember he gave everything so you could have salvation through His death and ressurrection! Motherhood is a lifetime journey that will take you into the wildest of places and pour out on you the wildest of graces!

Loving you through Christ, New Mamma!
~ Lori

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

When Marriage And Life Is Just Plain Hard....Keep On Keepin` On!

I guess at some point it becomes this way. It doesn't happen over night. Although your emotions lie to you and say it does. No, it takes time to spiral down. Spending less and less time with one another. The kids always coming in place of the other. No date nights to rekindle the flames that was once there. Your hormones have changed so much since having the kids that it doesn't matter to you really.You just go to bed without even a good night kiss and rollover without having another thought because you are so exhausted from raising your children and being present in just about everything that happened during their day. You look at other couples you know and don't dare  ask the brave question. "Is this how it is for you too?" Would they even be brave back and tell you? 

You begin to feel all alone. Wanting to tell someone about how hard things are. Someone you could confide in. Someone who would pray hard for you. For you the "Big D" is not an option because God is so much bigger than any problem you have. He is in the business of redeeming anyway right? Is not your problem His problem to? You feel like you are just in survival mode and the light at the end of the tunnel is far, far away. Your children wonder why you are always so tired and don't feel much like taking them places to have fun. Can't they have fun at home? Do we always have to go somewhere? Questions always reeling in your spirit. Making you feel like a failure because aren't all the other Mother's taking their children to the park or swimming? 

The alarm rings loud and everything in you wants to crawl under the covers, hoping no one would notice if you did not get of bed that day. What does a season in your life like this teach you? You rise early trying to spend time with Heavenly Daddy and one of your littles chooses to get up early to. It goes on for weeks and you feel as if you are chasing your Heavenly Daddy and you will never catch time with Him because once the kids are up who can get a moment to spend in His prescence when you don't have a little one tugging at your shirt or pants. It is there you feel so drained of anything spiritual. You are dry inside and you feel no ounce of Holy Spirit power in you to accomplish anything small let alone grand. You come to the end of your rope and you realize that all this trying is from you. You need the only one who can rescue you from yourself. He has tugged at your heart long enough and your embitterment has gotten the better of you. Your efforts have left you completely exhausted. Everything that you have accomplished was done in your own tired strength. You cry out in complete desperation! "Lord please come and redeem this family, this life, this marriage! You don't want it to go any further than where it is . 

You give Him every burden you have carried. You confess all the ways you have wronged your spouse, your children and mostly Him. You begin to feel the heaviness in your heart lift away and the walls of your home seem a bit wider now. Not closing in on you like before. You begin to sense the Holy Spirit filling you with His supernatural resurrection power and you no longer do things in your own strength. Life is hard work! Marriage is hard work! When everything in you screams RUN!!! You stay because you know you don't want to be the reason a home comes to ruin. You don't want the enemy to gain the victory of another family come to an end! You are more than the enemy says you are. You keep on keepin' on because your Father can and will redeem anything your own hands have busted and broken. Ask Him!! He takes all our messes, all our shame, all our guilt, all our broken selves and turns them into one masterpiece that has a story that can't wait to be told!! Does it hurt to share that story? A resounding Yes!! Is there healing in the telling of it? A clanging Yes!! Be brave today soul. Cry out to him out of the desperate pit you are in. Ask Him to redeem the mess you have caused and give you the strength you need to keep on keepin' on. Your marriage is worth it. Your children are worth it. YOU ARE WORTH IT TO HIM!!! 
Ask just for one person that he would bring to you. Someone who is a solid believer. One whom you could trust to confide in to share your hard days with. One whom would help you out with your children and give you a break. YOU ARE WORTH IT TO HIM!!! He will give you what you need to put one foot in front of the other even if it needs to be baby steps. Don't let yourself get comfortable in a place like this:

Let Him remove the chains that are binding you and let Him free you! 

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.

 Psalm 91:1

Let your Father be your dwelling place. This is

 where true freedom will come from.

Daddy, I pray that if anyone is bound today that you would set them free. I pray that if they have busted and broken their family in anyway like I have that they would cry out to you and that you would redeem their mess as you continue to redeem my mess. I pray that if anyone needs a friend, that you would send one their way. Please send one my way too! Don't let your daughters continue to be beaten down and oppressed by the enemy. Free them so they may walk boldly and proclaim your glory through their redemptive story. In Jesus name I pray Amen!

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

....And Her Theme Was Victory!

She had talked about it being the theme for her life this year. She has experienced small ones as well as big ones. Who knew that this year would be the year that she would experience the final victory... of running the race well... and making it to the finish line. She had been diagnosed a year ago with lung cancer. She had never smoked a day in her life but then again cancer is no respecter of person's nor  their lungs for that matter. She had a wonderful ministry. She humbly admitted when she had fallen short. It's what made her such a woman of the word. She knew from which her help came from. There would be no more high school graduations that she would attend. No more college graduations. No weddings. She would never get to feel the ache of wanting to hold that long awaited for Grandbaby. He would never sleep beside her again. He would never bring her that first cup of morning coffee. No good morning kiss. His devotional time would be spent with the Father by himself. They were the couple that you thought you would see at 90 years old still sitting next to one another holding each other's hands. I heard Him tell of so many times how He often would tell her how crazy He was about "His Bride".My heart wrenches for this Groom and for their children. Her last year was fought and fought well. She praised and she worshipped no matter what the circumstances. She celebrated each victory even the small and insignificant ones. She knew her great big God was very able and capable of healing her body with just a word. She knew deep down inside that cancer was not the real battle. No, the real battle for her would be fear. Fear for her children, fear for her husband, fear of not being able to be there in the future for her family. The fear that comes from the liar who would try and lie to her and have her to believe that God was not good and that she was not loved. But she fought against those lies, She chose to believe the truth. To live out the truth.That
God is good and we are always loved.

 God. is .good. and. I. am .always .loved!
She has already gone home and I'm sure that she has yet to make it up off her knees in front of the one who gave her the ultimate healing and met her at the finish line.

Daddy, our infinite minds have such a hard time wrapping around situations like these. Where a loved one returns to you when we are not ready for them to leave. I pray that you would give this groom the strength to put one heavy foot in front of the other. Give him extra measures of your grace in the nightly hours when he slips into bed and she is not there to kiss good night. I pray that you would comfort in the days to come, especially the birthday's, anniversaries, the upcoming wedding, the high school graduations, and college graduations. Comfort in the future when the grandbabies begin to arrive and there is no grandmother there welcome them here. Jesus I ask that your will would be done in this family as it is in heaven. In Jesus name I pray amen.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Who Knew Metamorphu Would Bring So Much Pain?

It came like a bomb exploding right into her face. Words that would set her reeling. A tone that she would imprint on her heart forever. All sorts of moments afterward questioning "What had she done so wrong?" "What had she said so wrong?" She had traveled to visit with him and all seemed the same. She had many chances to ask the questions that she was naturally curious about. Things like " How long have you been dating?", "What is she like?", "Where did you meet her?". Never knowing that all the while with each question her Father felt as if he was under some kind of federal investigation. Sunday had come and her family packed up all their belongings to travel the long road home. She would receive more news in the day ahead. They had set their wedding date. It was a more serious relationship than what she had been led to believe. There was so much secrecy surrounding this whole relationship. I guess her curiosity got the best of her. She had told him dinner was getting cold and it was. She had cried her way through each bite and every sip. Her heart feeling as if it might explode and all she wanted to do was implode. But her God met her there and gently spoke to her putting his firm but gentle hand on her mouth keeping her from lashing back with words that would only drive a wedge deep in heart flesh. A wedge that could last years. She did not want that conversation to end in that manner. She heaved and shoulders wracked hard through story time and she fell asleep worn out from the emotional wave that crashed hard on her already tired body.
      If butterflies could speak would they talk of pain in the metamorphu process?
Would they speak of how their bodies must go through a hard physical process to be made so beautiful?
If an infant could speak to us moments after they are born would they tell us of how their body has been wrapped up tight  and being birthed was far more than what they bargained for? Would they speak of how each push only caused more pain and how their head felt as if it would just squeeze right off their shoulders.
Each Mother's story is different but if you know anything about birthing you would know that pain comes before any beauty does. How can someone we love so much cause us such great pain?
She feels wrapped up tight swaddled if you will in her heavenly Father's arms. She is choosing joy and no fear. She does not even want the enemy to get a foothold on her or her relationship with her Dad. Even though she has not been invited she will choose joy , she will choose to live eucharisteo and breathe YAWEH. After the day is done and all is said, She knows because what a heart knows it knows by heart. Eucharisteo precedes the miracle.
Would love to hear from you today to if you are choosing eucharisteo, if you are choosing no fear. Would you pull up your big comfy chair and your coffee cup? Would you be willing to share your hard story today too? I am ready to listen!
Continuing  to count His  gifts during the process of Metamorphu
5,995. Safe travels
5,996. Being able to stay home during artic weather days
5,997. Being able to blog my stories while "joy girl" naps.
5,998. Letting the sun go down on my anger. * Hard Eucharisteo.
5,999. one who tries to sweep arguments under the rug. * Hard Eucharisteo.
*6,000. Looking to the only one who can rescue and redeem.
6,001. For giving a sister in Christ who battles with cancer the strength to walk from the bed to the bathroom.
6,002. Finding out your Dad is dating and getting married in one week and the crazy emotional head spin that comes with it.
6,002. Him wanting to keep the whole thing under wraps.
6,003. The terrible argument that ensued days later. Super hard Eucharisteo.
6,004. The Holy Spirit's hand on my mouth giving me the power not to lash back with hurtful words.
6,005. God there with me through every wave of yelling, Him holding me up on His wings.
6,006. Choosing to fly rather to be chained.
6,007. Not an orphan but a daughter of the KING!
6,008. Being lavishly loved by my Abba!
6,009.Him hearing me when I cry out to Him.
6,010. Not fearing the one who can cut me down emotionally.
6,011. Him seeing and hearing everything.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

When Your Dad Moves On And You're Not Ready

The call came on a Friday. I had to brace myself hard against it. It blew right through every joint in my body leaving me feeling stunned and knocked to me feet. He is lonely and feels like he needs the companionship of another lady. I had to find this news out from my sister. I thought He would eventually take this step maybe 4-5 years down the road. But not a year and 2 months after her passing. "I'm not ready for this I told her". It was my sister's birthday and it was not the kind of news you deliver to someone on their birthday. I began the waiting game. Waiting to see if he would call to tell me. The waiting brought nothing. Several days finally passed between this conversation and still time brought nothing. As if time were standing still on my end waiting to see if could gather up what he needed to let me in on his news. Finally, we had decided to go home and visit. We were able to catch a break in the 

weather and all was quiet in the next few days. I called him to let Him know that we would be arriving over the weekend. He was out I presumed , spending time with his new friend. 
As the evening hours crept by I kept noticing the time and felt as if he should have called by now. I felt like a parent waiting for their child to come rolling in the driveway. Around 9:00 p.m. he calls. He's all jolly and I'm a bit nervous to speak with him. He speaks of sorry's and I've been out's. I ask him if he's been visiting with his sister. He typically stays out late when he's there. They are close siblings and one's jokes are just as corny as the other's. Your sides would hurt for days after a visit with them. He's quiet now. I can tell he's fumbling for words, fumbling for courage to say them. He speaks it slow, unsure of how it would be received. I act all surprised not letting on that I have already been told. I ask how long he has been seeing her. What he laughingly says next brings my spirit down. Makes tears brim and flow. He says He has been seeing her since Oct. I don't understand why the secret. Why had he not told us. Why did he think he needed to wait. Mom had went home a year and two months ago. I can remember her saying that it would be good for him down the road to meet someone and not spend his remaining days here on this spinning globe by himself. Did he think we would be angry, hurt? I'm more hurt that he played it off as if it were no big thing, the waiting, the secret. My heart splits and it to mourns. Mourns for my Mamma. Mourns for life being so different now. Every holiday, birthday, Mother's Day ,just different. I'm sad I guess because I can't seem to just let go of my Mamma. Will I see her again ? Yes, She loved Jesus so very much! I feel he has let her go and is now ready to move forward. I knew God planted this one word in my life for this New Year. He is planning to metamorphu life beginning with my immediate family. I must say I did not see this one coming. 

Daddy, this one is hard to handle. I count it as a very hard Eucharisteo. Would you give me the courage to accept this new relationship in my life. Would you give me the courage to accept my Dad's decision to move forward in this New Year. Help me to have a welcoming heart. In Jesus sweet and holy name I pray Amen. 
Is. 43:19
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

My One Word For The New Year Lens " Metamorphu"

It might look like and even sound like the strangest word that you have heard. He had said it from the pulpit and it has stuck with me since then. I can feel it taking place deep within. Something new, something fresh, something that is holy and only explained through the power of His Spirit. I still myself and slow in Him in the quiet of the morning.
Reflecting back on Christmas and turning our Christmas upside down this year.  to go further into relationship with Him who saves completely. We traveled along with Mary to Bethlehem to see Him born. Looking in to a new year with Christ guiding the way. I want to draw myself tight folding into
Him so I can hear completely what He wants to do through me.
I lean into His beautiful grace and keep counting His gifts. Looking for each one daily in the messy, the mundane, the hard, the beautiful moments of life. I look forward to unfurling my wings into Him.
and catching my flight on the power of
His Spirit. There is so much of myself I want to leave behind, the sin of perfection, the lack of self control I have to want to be in control of everything and every moment. I want to put away self so that He can become greater in me and through me. I want to focus on others more and there needs. I want to submit more to my husband instead of wanting to control our family. I want Him to lead us all the way. Lord please help me to stay out of his way so he can lead his family like you want him to. These are not the mere resolutions one would make for new years. These are more desires that His heart wants for me and my growth in Him. I want to keep counting His gifts in this new year because it is the only way to lasting and true joy. I have seen what he has done in me since I started keeping this journal of gratitude and it is a most beautiful thing. How I praise His beautiful name for breaking me out of my pit.
 breaking me out of the chains that me bound for so long. Daddy, I look forward to this new thing that you have begun within my heart. I'm excited about 2014 and all that you will do  in me to  metamorphu me.
May you be the power in my wings who compels me to fly forward!

How are you wanting God to Metamorph you in this coming year?


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