For the days when you feel forsaken

I  sat alone on the couch last night. Good and perfect gift was spending time in his room. Tonight would have been the perfect timing for my husband and I to spend much quality time together. No distractions or so I thought. He had walked right past me went upstairs to play computer games!

 Could he not open his eyes to see me sitting all alone? Does he not see that it has been to long since him and I had any time together? Does he not realize how long, seriously too long it has been since he has taken me out on a date? All to many times I feel like in order to get my husband to spend anytime with me I have to nag him to do it and then it's not meaningful. He is doing it out of obligation instead of desire. I really do tire of having to compete with black boxes that take you anywhere you want to go. See anyone you want to see.

  How I wish our family was without one of these black boxes. How I wish you could e-mail someone without being connected to the internet so computer games would not get in the way of my marriage. Yes friend, today I'm feeling very forsaken because all to often Hubby forgets about me. When I talk to him like our counselor said to, he just gets so defensive and is not willing to really examine himself to see if there is any truth to my words.
 I do continue to pray for him with these prayers. It is so hard to when you don't see answers. I don't want to complain about him I just really want him to love me and love just being with me. I remember how it was while we dated. We just could not wait to be together. It seemed like so long in between times that our hearts would explode. Now it just seems all he wants to do is escape when he comes home. Good and perfect gift begs for his time and I hear it in my husbands voice. The hesitation before he says a final yes. I hear it when I ask him to come to bed," Can't I finish the movie I'm watching?" Is this crazy black box really that much more important than me? Do I really have to compete this much with this black box? All I know to do is keep praying. I'm asking God to continue to give me the attitude that is in 1st Peter 3:3-6. I have posted this before and I must post it again to help me to remember that the way up is the way down.

3 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Daddy, I need you to do a complete, holy work in my marriage. Nothing I do will fix it. I have done all that you have asked of me. I'm tired Daddy, I want my marriage to grow in you and not of the things that this world pushes into our lives. Please rescue my marriage and set it on  the solid rock of Christ. Please give my husband the power and the eyes to see where he is lacking. Give him your love to love me and good and perfect gift with. Take away my fear Daddy, for I am concerned about the little girl who is being knitted together in my womb. She will need a daddy to fill her love needs just as I need. I do fear that he won't and she will look somewhere else to find a man in her life that will falsely and temporarily fullfill her. Give me your power to believe and not doubt that you will rescue our marriage. In the mighty , most holy, name of Jesus I pray Amen.

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