The Front Porch Swing

The Front Porch Swing
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Friday, October 21, 2011

Living with the hard Eucharasteo daily, when God answers with a no, what do you do?

I can remember praying while my son was in the darkest depths of my womb, being knitted together perfectly by the Creators beautiful hands. I had prayed so hard that to my Heavenly Father it must have sounded more like begging. I had asked of him and this was word for word in my prayer journal" Lord ,please I ask of you don't give me a child who has AD/HD. Don't give me a child who has a strong will. Just let Him or her be perfectly healthy. Let this little one have all of the systems working perfectly. Let this little one love you more than anything in his or her life. In the mighty name of Jesus I pray Amen.
     God loves to hear from His children. He loves to answer prayers right. He says in His inspired word" Ask and you shall receive, right? Well , unbeknown to me, God was doing a holy work in me long before I knew what I was going to be facing when my son was born to us. Not only was God going to grow me, but he was going to stretch me more than I thought a person could be stretched!
     I must be honest that when I found out my son had AD/HD, and Sensory Integration disorder, plus lets add in the tendencies toward O.C.D . I was crushed and I grieved. I was grieving because I had a perfect plan in mind. My plan, in case you missed it. This was not God's plan. I had already began in my mind thinking of what Motherhood was to look like and feel like. I guess I should have went back in time and talked with Jesus' Mother. I guess she would have had great wisdom for me as a new Mom.
     I allowed my self to sink deeply into a pit of darkness as I realized God's plan for Motherhood for me was to be much different. I became angry with God. I was dealing with a multitude of meltdowns daily. I felt trapped because  everytime I went somewhere with my Son, we always left kicking and screaming. He did not transition well. He is very hyper. He cannot sit without moving around all over the place. We would go to the library for story time and he would be the only one running around the story room. Talk about frustrating!! I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have cried my way home in the car because life was just to hard and I did not know how to raise a child with these types of behaviors. I have traveled home with my stereo turned up very loud to cover up the screaming child that was in the back seat.


        All of this story of beginning's is to tell you my dear friends there is hope! Where did I find this hope? In the one I was angry with. Yep, you guessed it! I had sank so deep in my pit that I could not look up! I was a believer not trusting in the one that created my Son!  I began to go to counseling, crying out to God for help because I had become in my own eyes a big mess of sorts. Trust me you would not have wanted to come to my house for dinner!  God sent me a wonderful friend into my life to tell me about Ann Voskamp and her wonderful book One thousand gifts. you can find her here http://www.aholyexperience.com/. This is the most amazing way that God showed me how to live with a thankful heart for the good and perfect gift that he gave me in my Son. He is the one who is teaching me how to raise my Son, who has all of the above mentioned behaviors. I'm learning to thank him for Meltdowns, for food aversions, for Occupational Therapy visits, For having to hold him back in school, for medications that I don't really want to administer but know how helpful it is for him.  Having to make picture schedules to help with transitions. As Ann Voskamp says" All Is Grace". I'm counting my gifts that He gives my daily and seeing my life through his lens and not my own. I'm not a poetic writer, but I have a longing to share my story with you. I hope you too will begin your own list today and allow God to mess with your head in a good way. In the Grip of His grace. Lori


Gift list entries:



434.Learning about the upside down way of Jesus.
435.Having money left in our bank account at the end of the month and not overdrafting like last month.
436. My Mother-in- law listening to her Son and making an appt. with her Cardiologist.
437. Getting my Son's new picture schedule completed. He had such a wonderful time at church this morning.

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