Children can really change your life. You now have this little one that you must care for, feed , change, loose sleep over. Above all fill completely full with your love.
The drifting in our marriage began shortly after our good and perfect gift was born. I had some complications after giving birth that it knocked out almost completely the intimate part of our life. The next four years of our marriage took a great hit. The day came when we realized that our good and perfect gift had lots going on inside his little body and we mustered up the strength to do this together. To raise him as best as we can and to grow our knowledge of handling a child who has these issues.
Our marriage still took more hits. We had failed each other. We took one another for granted countless times. Because of the anger I was dealing with inside myself, I had began talking to my Sweet Hubby with words of disrespect and ingrattitude. We were constantly at war with one another over What is best for good and perfect gift and what was not. We could not agree on anything. Didn't I know best because I was with him all day long? I knew him best.
I began going to counseling by myself. I needed someone I could talk to. someone that could be objective and help me problem solve. I needed to cry. I had no place at home tht I could get all my emotions out in a very positive way. I felt like my husband was clueless at times to what was going on inside of me, inside our marriage, inside our home. Date night had become extinct. Time with one another had become extinct. I could count on one hand the times we had date night. I had mentioned after several months, of him going to counseling with me. Some of the anger I was dealing with was stemming from him. He never really gave me much of an answer.
My counselor agreed that it would do our marriage alot of good for him to come. I continued to ask and finally pleaded," I really need you to come to counseling with me." I had shared with him that I was afraid that if our relationship continued the way it was, we were going to fall apart. Satan was not going to get victory in this. He came, really did not want to be there. Voiced that to me. I was hurt. Did he not want to fix our relationship? Had it become nothing to him now. Just how important am I to you? He continued to come with me and does still. I went back to Nehemiah's prayer he knew what it was like to rebuild. God had him to rebuild a city. This is a good start. Asking God to be in the rebuilding process. For his protection is most needed. We can't do the rebuilding on our own. Our work will only be in vainand unprotected. God needs to be the foreman in the rebuilding process of our Marriage. I plead and groan the words of Nehemiah:
He prayed: “O Lord God of heaven, the great and awesome God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, let your ear be attentive and your eyes open, to hear the prayer of your servant that I now pray before you day and night for the people of Israel your servants, confessing the sins of the people of Israel, which we have sinned against you. Even I and my father’s house have sinned. We have acted very corruptly against you and have not kept the commandments, the statutes, and the rules that you commanded your servant Moses. Remember the word that you commanded your servant Moses, saying, ‘If you are unfaithful, I will scatter you among the peoples, but if you return to me and keep my commandments and do them, though your outcasts are in the uttermost parts of heaven, from there I will gather them and bring them to the place that I have chosen, to make my name dwell there.’ They are your servants and your people, whom you have redeemed by your great power and by your strong hand. O Lord, let your ear be attentive to the prayers of your servant, and to the prayer of your servants who delight to fear your name, and give success to your servant today, and grant him mercy in the sight of this man.” (Neh. 1:5-11).
God can rebuild anything if you let him. The word divorce never came up. We will never let our marriage go to the enemy for his keeping.
Marriage is a forever covenant. It resembles the kind of covenant that God has with us. This is one reason God established marriage. He wanted to show us the type of relationship he wanted with his people. One that will last forever. One that can not be broken. One that will abide even through the storms of life. One that will lead you, guide you, pick you up and carry you through.
This story does have a beautiful ending. Sweet hubby and I are making efforts to spend time together. We have been walking by ourselves sometimes 2 times a week, while our good and perfect gift is in very capable hands. We are learning to speak the beautiful love language of the other. We are making efforts to touch each other more often. We are continuing our counseling sessions. Sweet hubby brought home flowers for me the other night.
We are Thankful to God for his protection over our marriage. Rebuilding is hard but losing to the enemy is not an option. God is greater than any obstacle in our life.
Oh Holy Father, my heart swells with joy over the beautiful, Holy, work you are doing in our marriage. Thank you for helping us to rebuild our marriage and for the out pouring of protection you have placed around us. Thank you that you are so big that you can rebuild anything. There is nothing you can't rebuild. Please continue your bounty of Grace in our lives, help us to give out that bounty to our good and perfect gift, may he experience your good and perfect gift Jesus and desire him for himself. I love you so much Lord!
Grace upon Grace,