When you must break the silence

It has been 4 days of him not speaking to me. I too have shut down because talking to him only leads to further frustration. I have waited long and prayed hard for an apology. He passes me with nothing on his tongue. He glances the opposite direction to keep from making eye contact. He's gone to bed angry as well as I have too.                          
Today, I muster up the courage to ask the hard question before he walks out the door to go to work. It might not be the right timing to talk but I want restoration in our relationship. All too often I feel as if our marriage is always in the rebuilding stage. I have never seen it get completely rebuilt, so we could sit back and relax, breathe a bit and really enjoy one another. I have prayed all to often for him to be consistent on his end and I have not seen answers to this one yet, but I shall keep on praying until I do. Our marriage has been very hard work. I will not throw the towel in and let the emeny of my soul have my marriage. I have worked to hard and have cried many tears to give up.
Good and perfect gift knows something is just not right with Mommy and Daddy, although we have tried hard to make it look like nothing is wrong, he has picked up on it and his behavior shows me all to well he knows that something is a foot.
"Are we going to do this little song and dance all week?" I ask. He says,"What song and dance?" "This dance of you not speaking to me and me going my own way.I have been waiting for you to apologize for the many times you forget me and forget to spend time with me and put me on the back burner of your life!" I really want to express to him how this has made me feel. " When we were dating I never had to ask you to spend time with me." I say.
He says that," This time and place is far different than our dating days." Yes, that's true.", I say, " But when was the last time we went out on a date?"
When was the last time you and I spent time together just you and I without good and perfect gift?" "All I want is for you to desire to spend time with me, your desire is just not there!" I can tell he wants this conversation to be over quickly. "I'm sorry," He says."Will you please forgive me?" I say yes. "I'll try harder." He says.
     I want more than anything to believe it. I want more than anything to see fruit come from these words. I want to see him make time for me, to date me, to really listen when I need to talk! I'm so weary of the rebuilding process. Can we just get rebuilt and stay there!


Daddy, I need you today, Hubby needs you today. We are both in need of  your rescue. We need your mighty right hand upon our marriage. First to protect it from the enemy, there are so many holes in the walls of our home. How I'm so aware of the enemy's attacks. Would you rebuild our walls? Pour in us your strength and perserverance to continue to rebuild our marriage? Would you give my husband your power to be consistent, to be creative, to take spiritual charge of this family? Give him your power to fullfill your mandate for his life as Husband and Father. His children need him to be there really there for him. I need him to be there for me too! Turn his heart first to you then to me and to his children. Cause him to see how important it is to leave behind a Godly legacy for his children. Open his eyes, open his ears. Give him a teachable heart. A heart that is pliable and is bent on listening and following you wholeheartedly. Give him your power to love and love well. Give me your power to show him  your grace when he fails. Daddy, come quickly to our aid, Show me your glory today. It's in the mighty, holy, name of Jesus, my LORD and KING. Amen.

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