I guess at some point it becomes this way. It doesn't happen over night. Although your emotions lie to you and say it does. No, it takes time to spiral down. Spending less and less time with one another. The kids always coming in place of the other. No date nights to rekindle the flames that was once there. Your hormones have changed so much since having the kids that it doesn't matter to you really.You just go to bed without even a good night kiss and rollover without having another thought because you are so exhausted from raising your children and being present in just about everything that happened during their day. You look at other couples you know and don't dare ask the brave question. "Is this how it is for you too?" Would they even be brave back and tell you?
You begin to feel all alone. Wanting to tell someone about how hard things are. Someone you could confide in. Someone who would pray hard for you. For you the "Big D" is not an option because God is so much bigger than any problem you have. He is in the business of redeeming anyway right? Is not your problem His problem to? You feel like you are just in survival mode and the light at the end of the tunnel is far, far away. Your children wonder why you are always so tired and don't feel much like taking them places to have fun. Can't they have fun at home? Do we always have to go somewhere? Questions always reeling in your spirit. Making you feel like a failure because aren't all the other Mother's taking their children to the park or swimming?
The alarm rings loud and everything in you wants to crawl under the covers, hoping no one would notice if you did not get of bed that day. What does a season in your life like this teach you? You rise early trying to spend time with Heavenly Daddy and one of your littles chooses to get up early to. It goes on for weeks and you feel as if you are chasing your Heavenly Daddy and you will never catch time with Him because once the kids are up who can get a moment to spend in His prescence when you don't have a little one tugging at your shirt or pants. It is there you feel so drained of anything spiritual. You are dry inside and you feel no ounce of Holy Spirit power in you to accomplish anything small let alone grand. You come to the end of your rope and you realize that all this trying is from you. You need the only one who can rescue you from yourself. He has tugged at your heart long enough and your embitterment has gotten the better of you. Your efforts have left you completely exhausted. Everything that you have accomplished was done in your own tired strength. You cry out in complete desperation! "Lord please come and redeem this family, this life, this marriage! You don't want it to go any further than where it is .
You give Him every burden you have carried. You confess all the ways you have wronged your spouse, your children and mostly Him. You begin to feel the heaviness in your heart lift away and the walls of your home seem a bit wider now. Not closing in on you like before. You begin to sense the Holy Spirit filling you with His supernatural resurrection power and you no longer do things in your own strength. Life is hard work! Marriage is hard work! When everything in you screams RUN!!! You stay because you know you don't want to be the reason a home comes to ruin. You don't want the enemy to gain the victory of another family come to an end! You are more than the enemy says you are. You keep on keepin' on because your Father can and will redeem anything your own hands have busted and broken. Ask Him!! He takes all our messes, all our shame, all our guilt, all our broken selves and turns them into one masterpiece that has a story that can't wait to be told!! Does it hurt to share that story? A resounding Yes!! Is there healing in the telling of it? A clanging Yes!! Be brave today soul. Cry out to him out of the desperate pit you are in. Ask Him to redeem the mess you have caused and give you the strength you need to keep on keepin' on. Your marriage is worth it. Your children are worth it. YOU ARE WORTH IT TO HIM!!!
Ask just for one person that he would bring to you. Someone who is a solid believer. One whom you could trust to confide in to share your hard days with. One whom would help you out with your children and give you a break. YOU ARE WORTH IT TO HIM!!! He will give you what you need to put one foot in front of the other even if it needs to be baby steps. Don't let yourself get comfortable in a place like this:
Let Him remove the chains that are binding you and let Him free you!
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
Let your Father be your dwelling place. This is
where true freedom will come from.
Daddy, I pray that if anyone is bound today that you would set them free. I pray that if they have busted and broken their family in anyway like I have that they would cry out to you and that you would redeem their mess as you continue to redeem my mess. I pray that if anyone needs a friend, that you would send one their way. Please send one my way too! Don't let your daughters continue to be beaten down and oppressed by the enemy. Free them so they may walk boldly and proclaim your glory through their redemptive story. In Jesus name I pray Amen!