Living To Die, So I Can Fully Love

have often bared my soul and shared how my marriage is going through the rebuilding process.

 I learned through a powerful sermon that the way up is down in relationship with Christ. In His kingdom everything is backwards than what I have been taught all those years ago. Christ is teaching me this very same lesson in my marriage. For years I have been doing more receiving than giving to my husband. He sets a beautiful example of unconditional, sacrificial, love.

                    (The flowers he brought me)   

One that I want to exibit with him. He has modeled it the many times when he takes the "lesser" so I could have the "more". I too often have taken advantage of his Christlike love and have never given him anything of me back. Through the gentle tug of heart strings the Holy Spirit is beautifully showing me where I have erred and is melting my self-righteous heart as I speak to you right now.

 My heart aches because I know all to well how this must hurt the heart of my best friend,my confidant, my Lover. The one who really has loved me as Christ has loved the church. I have allowed so many times my heart to become embittered toward him for not leading his family spiritually, for his lack of wanting to spend time, good solid quality time with his family. I have been bitter at the many times he has fought against me with our good and perfect gift.
God is teaching me how important it is to pray for my beloved husband. A lady in my bible study group asked me if I was praying for my hubby. It bowled my heart to the floor. I had spent so much time complaining about him that I never once stopped to pray for him. I could feel the hard lump rising quickly up into my throat. An even harder knot formed in my stomach. The Holy Spirit is so gentle in His love and correction. I have began praying for my husband.
I have repented and asked God to forgive me for all the complaining and "not praying" I have done. The only way to fully love is first you must fully surrender every part of your life. Then it is important to fully surrender your spouse, knowing you can't change them and they can't change you. Asking for the awareness of where you need changing in your marriage, takes you becoming lower and humbling yourself. Then by asking God to show you how you can best love, how you can best serve your spouse. 
Our pastor prayed over me and prayed that I would be a model of the I Peter 3 wife. I could not remember what the scripture was at the moment. I could not wait to get out to my car to see what is was, I just knew it was something very meaningful to me. Once I got to the car, I looked it up and what I found was the scripture on wives submitting to their husbands.

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves.

I had known this scripture from before. Again God was showing me the way to love my husband was to make my self lower. All of those words that are in large print are words of someone who is humble and not proud and self- righteous.


all of which do not characterize me. I am beginning to see that I need lowering. Much lowering! A heart that is bowed down can fully love.

How I pray Father that you will help me to become lower so that you may become higher in my marriage. Help to to become lower in my marriage so that I can fully love my husband
Unwrapping more of His Love gifts here today!

2,144. Maple syrup
2,145. Being a taxi for my in-laws (learning to have a servants heart here).
2,146. Broken toys by friends that have to glued.
2,147. First psychology appt. for good and perfect gift.* Hard Eucharisteo
2,148. Good and perfect gift's really good day out
2,149. Too much traveling in one day. * Hard Eucharisteo.
2,150. Finding legal information on homeschooling. ( Gotta do it the right way)
2,151. Giving a friend a homemade mamma bird necklace
2,152. Parents that don't make their children apologize to your child when they have wronged them. * HardEucharisteo
2,153.  Reading along with Ann Voskamp
2,154. Hubby not checking out any sci- fi books Answer to prayer
2,155. Hubby talking to good and perfect gift about shielding his ears from inappropriate words on t.v. Another answer to prayer!! I should have started sooner huh?
2,156. Him leading good and perfect gift in spiritual purity. so many good answers to prayers!
2,157. God answering so many prayers!!



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