The Front Porch Swing

The Front Porch Swing
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Thursday, January 9, 2014

When Your Dad Moves On And You're Not Ready

The call came on a Friday. I had to brace myself hard against it. It blew right through every joint in my body leaving me feeling stunned and knocked to me feet. He is lonely and feels like he needs the companionship of another lady. I had to find this news out from my sister. I thought He would eventually take this step maybe 4-5 years down the road. But not a year and 2 months after her passing. "I'm not ready for this I told her". It was my sister's birthday and it was not the kind of news you deliver to someone on their birthday. I began the waiting game. Waiting to see if he would call to tell me. The waiting brought nothing. Several days finally passed between this conversation and still time brought nothing. As if time were standing still on my end waiting to see if could gather up what he needed to let me in on his news. Finally, we had decided to go home and visit. We were able to catch a break in the 

weather and all was quiet in the next few days. I called him to let Him know that we would be arriving over the weekend. He was out I presumed , spending time with his new friend. 
As the evening hours crept by I kept noticing the time and felt as if he should have called by now. I felt like a parent waiting for their child to come rolling in the driveway. Around 9:00 p.m. he calls. He's all jolly and I'm a bit nervous to speak with him. He speaks of sorry's and I've been out's. I ask him if he's been visiting with his sister. He typically stays out late when he's there. They are close siblings and one's jokes are just as corny as the other's. Your sides would hurt for days after a visit with them. He's quiet now. I can tell he's fumbling for words, fumbling for courage to say them. He speaks it slow, unsure of how it would be received. I act all surprised not letting on that I have already been told. I ask how long he has been seeing her. What he laughingly says next brings my spirit down. Makes tears brim and flow. He says He has been seeing her since Oct. I don't understand why the secret. Why had he not told us. Why did he think he needed to wait. Mom had went home a year and two months ago. I can remember her saying that it would be good for him down the road to meet someone and not spend his remaining days here on this spinning globe by himself. Did he think we would be angry, hurt? I'm more hurt that he played it off as if it were no big thing, the waiting, the secret. My heart splits and it to mourns. Mourns for my Mamma. Mourns for life being so different now. Every holiday, birthday, Mother's Day ,just different. I'm sad I guess because I can't seem to just let go of my Mamma. Will I see her again ? Yes, She loved Jesus so very much! I feel he has let her go and is now ready to move forward. I knew God planted this one word in my life for this New Year. He is planning to metamorphu life beginning with my immediate family. I must say I did not see this one coming. 

Daddy, this one is hard to handle. I count it as a very hard Eucharisteo. Would you give me the courage to accept this new relationship in my life. Would you give me the courage to accept my Dad's decision to move forward in this New Year. Help me to have a welcoming heart. In Jesus sweet and holy name I pray Amen. 
Is. 43:19
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.









1 comment:

  1. Are you struggling with a Hard Eucharisteo right now if so I would love for you to pull your comfy chair up with me in the living room and let me hold your hand while you share. Maybe we can even share a box of tissues.

    ReplyDelete

Would love to have you share with me today friend.

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