Living To Carry The Cross, Learning To Live The Hard Eucharisteo

H e prayed for her weekly and monthly. He prayed for her as did Hannah prayed for Solomon. He never gave up until an answer finally came. He taught me how to prayer as a child coming to the Father with full expecting faith. I watch him all day as he goes throughout the day. How he kisses on her and hugs on her.            He adores her to no end. He loves her with a grateful love. He asks me more than 20 times daily,"Mommy is it o.k. if I giver her a kiss or a hug?"  I smile big and nod. He shows his gratitude through the action of love shown by affection. I tease him and tell him that he loves on her more than her Daddy and I do! He giggles and says" Mommmy". If she knows anything, She knows the wonderful love of her parents and her big brother.       She is loved and kissed and hugged on so much in one day, how it is that God brings a family closer when he gives you a new mem...

I have been mourning the loss of my Mother, wanting to share my days with her, I miss calling her and hearing her voice. I have been dealing with an array of emotions that I can only look to my heavenly Daddy to help me walk through. I have cried more in the past two weeks than I have cried in the past two months leading up to her departure to her heavenly home. My Daddy has been my strength. I have had to lean heavy upon him to carry me through this. My pain at times has been hard to bare but my strength comes from the one who can help me to bare the pain of loss. He lost his Son on a cruel cross. He watched as his Son took his last breath. He watched the suffering of his Son as he was beaten beyond recognition. He knows what I'm going through.I breathe and I let him carry me. He knows my pain in the night and yet he has brought me "joy" in the morning. I was induced at 9:00 a.m. and my joy was born at 3:55. Her name means "joy". Her middle name means "f...

I have been mourning the loss of my Mother. Going through the pain of not having her here to share my days. I have shed more tears in the past two weeks than I have shed in the past two months leading up to her departure to Her heavenly home. Noone can replace your Mother, or fill the void that is left behind. I cry out in the night that my Daddy give me a fullness of His Holy Spirit to endure each day that brings a mixture of emotions that are hard to deal with.     Two weeks and three days ago my sweet baby girl was born.

I sit praying, thinking, pondering, what tomorrow will bring. Meeting our baby girl for the first time. Holding her soft pink skin close to mine after long awaited weeks of being swollen with her life growing in the secret places.                                     To look upon her precious life and to see how my Daddy formed her and knitted her together. Wondering who she will look like.                                          Will she have hair or none at all. What kind of temperment will she have? What will it be like for good and perfect gift to get to meet her for the first time The exciteme...

I t was coming up on her second week in the Hosparus facility. Her physical body was deteriorating daily. It had become evident that she was headed for home. She became incoherent and she was in so much pain the morphine kept her comfortable. God had given her children a wonderful gift the first of that week. He had woken her up at 11:30 so her children could talk to her and tell her one last time how much they loved her and she could return her love once more. Saddened for myself and the unborn baby girl I carry in my womb, my mind took me on a ride that would bring wave after wave of emotion. Thoughts of this precious little gift not knowing her beautiful Grandmother. Mom not being there with me to witness her birth and see her for the first time.   The many Mother's Day's that I would spend without my Mother. The many days that,"If only I could  call her and tell her about". The many Christmas' that we would spend without her. It was her favorite Holiday o...

I t came on your ordinary day. Nothing felt out of order just your ordinary day. It was my Mother-In-Law on the other end telling her oldest that her doctor had found lung cancer. To what extent we don't know yet. She finds out the results next week. I saw my husbands face drop and wet warm tears began swelling  his eyes. The one who holds you all those tiny years and nurtures you to be the man you are to be has lung cancer. I see him pray with her, I to hold his hand and bow low asking for our Daddy to bring her comfort and healing. I to ask for comfort for my husband for my Daddy to fold His arms around his heart. So we wait to hear the results in our Daddy's waiting room. Three weeks later I get a phone call from my Father. My Mom has been in and out of the hospital for the last two weeks battling with her sodium and ammonia levels. She has a disease that is attacking her liver. Her own body is fighting against her liver. The doctor's had said she was not a good candi...

I 'm talking with my grandmother when the call-waiting beeps in. I look to see who the caller may be. I recognize the area code but not the number. I ignore the call -waiting and continue on with my grandmother. Two more times the same caller calls again. I say my good-bye's to my grandmother and I thumb for the button to recieve the caller who has been waiting. Cries coming from my niece, I had never known what her cell number was, hence my reluctance to answer her call. She's spilling with fear and she's upset beyond words. The only two words I can make out are "Mom" and "heart attack"! I tell her I'm on my way. The only thing that is realing in my mind is her mother's lost soul. I begin to pray for God to protect my sister's heart. "She doesn't know you, Daddy". "Give her a second chance at life". "Please send someone into her life to pour out your love on her". " I have talked to her and have wi...